"With my daughter, I planned a natural home birth. I truly believed I was prepared. I had read books, listened to podcasts, worked with holistic midwives and a doula and felt confident throughout my pregnancy. My intention was a calm, physiological home birth.

That is not how it unfolded.

When I went into labor, things shifted quickly. A midwife I had never met before was sent to me, and from the moment she arrived, something felt off. Her energy threw me off, my sense of safety disappeared, and I felt unheard and unsettled during the most vulnerable moments of my life. As labor progressed, fear replaced confidence. I no longer felt grounded or supported.

What began as a planned natural home birth ended in the hospital with an emergency C-section.

That experience left me deeply traumatized.

I don’t share this for sympathy, blame, or to scare anyone. I share it because it fundamentally changed how I view birth, preparation, and responsibility. I realized that although I had information, I did not yet have embodied confidence or deep understanding. I thought I was ready, but when it mattered most, I wasn’t. And no one around me helped me feel safe, heard, or capable.

I also walked away with a difficult truth: even holistic midwives operate within a legal system. They have licenses to protect and rules they must follow so they don’t get in trouble. In the moment, those rules mattered more than my intuition, my body, or my emotional safety. That broke my trust.

​I’ve already read books. I’ve listened to many natural birth and free birth podcasts. And still, I know I need more. Because last time, I thought I was ready… and I clearly wasn’t.

This time, I want the knowledge far in advance. I want confidence that comes from understanding, not from handing my authority over to someone else. I want to be able to make informed decisions for myself and trust my body without relying on others to “allow” me to do so."

-Vika Hermann